Dear Reader:
In this post I feel that it is finally time to emerge from some of the grief process that I have been experiencing up to this point. The reason why I say that is this. The next book I decided to read came as a suggestion from a dear friend of mine, that I don’t get to see all that often. However when I started reading this book I felt such a resonation with it. It was almost as if the book was speaking to parts of me that either I hadn’t been in touch with in a while, or a feeling of emergence, per se.
The title of the next book is: The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer
As of the writing of this post, I believe I have read the book cover to cover 6 times and for when I am on the go I decided to purchase the audiobook version of it as well. Every time that I read it or listen to it I feel that it speaks to different parts of me. I began highlighting so many parts of the book, I feel as though the words written on the page were sending signals to the deepest reaches of me. I bought the book about 6 months ago, I have made sure to recommend this book to many people, especially if I hear something come from them that could seem like an item is “stuck” or it is difficult to get over.
So allow me to explain why this book is one of the best books to this date that I read and why I feel it is a great thing. It was through reading this book along with my therapist, meditations and everything else I mentioned before that I began to realize more of what my real challenges were. Yes I have lost both of my parents. However loosing my father seemed to trip the trigger on a series of events. Loosing him was the most recent “trauma” if you will. That word “trauma” has come around again and again. The storms of thoughts in my head seemed to be my brain letting my therapist know (and ultimately me) what those traumas were (and still are to this day). Once I began to see what the extent of it, I was in shock I think more than anything. I said to myself, well if this is what all of this is, then it is more than time to take care of it. What I had begun to realize is that, it was all the trauma of my entire life. It seemed that everything from when I was a kid growing up to where I sit today writing this post. As it was explained to me by my therapist, the brain starts with the most recent and works backwards. In fact I am still writing things on a note if I get a mental flash on something and saving it for a therapy session.
One of the first things that began to sink in for me on The Untethered Soul, was the explanation about how we all have that inside voice in our heads and getting it to shut up. However it just starts up again. What I have learned through this experience is that, if something is on the brain the more energy it is given the more of a storm it can create, thus the challenge I was having. There was no way for what was on the brain to be released the pressure of the situation I was in kept winding up and winding up. I have now learned how the body ideally deals with “stored energy” or storm of the head as I have called it. First the brain attempts to get rid of it, and if it can’t it goes to the heart. If the heart can’t get rid it, then it becomes stored. unfortunately for me I was an over saturated sponge. It was about this time last year I was out of work on that three week personal leave of absence. Today I am at work writing this post to you. I can see all of the events of the last year. interesting on what a year can show you, even though it has been a very long year.
The many hours I have spent in tears or emotional upheaval were all part of this process. So the beginning of books started to show me, in simple terminology what was going on with me. The book ideally is a spiritual book. However I don’t personally think one needs to be a spiritual person to understand this book. I am a spiritual person, and I feel this book was sent to me to assist me on my path back to wholeness. Why you might ask? allow me to tell you another story.
After the third time reading the book I happen to be at work, coming off of my lunch break. What happens after one eats, well we all need the bathroom, sure why not. After that I needed to wash my hands, got the soap and did the whole twenty second thing, rinsed them off and as I looked up in the mirror, it was like I saw “me” and said well “hello Phil” there was absolutely nothing in my head. Nothing causing me distress it is like the essence or spirit of “me” was present, fully alert, and comprehending everything that was going on. I cannot begin to explain how wonderful the rest of the evening was for me. I knew I had stumbled onto something great and that I was on the path destined for me. Granted since then there was emotional upheveal and more the body decided it was time for “trauma” or stored energy to go. However I have kept in mind that day in the restroom at work. I saw “me” the peace I felt that day warms my heart even as I type this. I can’t even count how many times I have recommended that book to the people I know. A few of them have gotten back to me to let me know what it did for them. Possibly seeing things in a different light, or realizing whatever the situation was going on there wasn’t anything further they could do, but be themselves, or what’s beyond one person’s control.
Later in the book it is mentioned about another “book” per se entitled:
“Tao de Ching” – it’s a Chinese book about “living in the way” which is the title of the chapter in Michael’s book. So I decided after hearing the chapter of living in “the way” what more was this about. In a nutshell, it is a chapter about living in the center. Don’t live in the extremes. A good example from the chapter was an explanation of someone who is visually impaired. The person needs to use a cane or walking stick and how that cane or walking stick moves from side to side essentially showing the visually impaired person where the “extremes” are and where they should walk, “ in the center.” Now I will admit I am not a person who like to live in the extremes. For a short while I was there attempting to understand a new realm in life. After reading this portion (and later purchasing the audiobook of the Tao de Ching) I began to realize for a lot of my life, I was living in “the way” and I didn’t know there was a term for it. Lately I have been reminding myself even when driving, it isn’t worth going to an extreme. I guess now that I think about it I have often stated that I want my life to be less stress, less drama and less of something that comes out of a bull. This is another one of those live realization dear reader. What a grateful feeling this is!
The reason I brought up about relaxing when driving is we have all been there, when someone decided they are going to get around you or cut you off, and im sure most of us have been there saying things cause it upset us. The next time it happens, stop relax and pay attention to what is going on in the body. YUP, don’t hold on to it. Let it go. I have myself felt my chest clench up, the heart rate rise some. THAT is what isn’t worth it. Relax let it go. Why let it work on you and take things from you. Added stress and tension just isn’t worth it. This is a lot of what I learned from reading this book. There is a lot more I could say, however I think I will allow this post to show more of what the last five to six months have done for me. to be able to sit here and not have anything buzz in my head (yes there are times it does and that is why I am continuing to pursue more EMDR therapy sessions). However the “charge” they have in there has gone down and before they get re energized well I think they need to be processed.
Lately I can say some of the conversations I have had I find myself saying, “well I dont’ remember all of what happened, it seems that the lesson was learned or the charge has been process” It is a good feeling to know that the amount of time and effort one can invest in thyself that there are rewards and a greater feeling in life when all that turmoil calms down. It seems that there are many avenues to help address issues and challenges that all of us at one time or another may face. it is difficult to just “get over it.” It is easier said than done. I have been working with this for a good year and a half and I do not intend to stop. I care alot about myself and many others that I am connected personally in life. Is this work hard? absolutely, there are many times that the pain I have felt is very great. Something else I learned along with journey and that has made me more aware of thing is this. If something was stored with pain, it must be released with pain. The pain can come back in a flash, taking you right back to where you were at the time things happened. How do I know this? I have experienced it personally and have uncovered more things that will be dealt with. The plate seems to be getting washed and dirtied back up with things. However I can see the amount of progress I have made. It is a good feeling, however I know there is more to go. I hope these posts have helped you personally or someone you love or care for. Traumas in life happen all the time. I am not an expert, but I am becoming more aware of how the simplest thing can affect a person.
I would like to thank the many of you who are following my journey. Sharing your thoughts. Posting comments or letting me know how my journey is similar to yours in some ways. I’ll be back soon with another post. This post started in 2023 however I have decided to post it in 2024. Since the initial writing of this post, I have discovered even more things I would like to share with you all. As my therapist has said, “you are on a path to wholeness, this is something the body does naturally.” To know this warms my heart. To begin to feel like a person once again without having shooting pain nerves or headaches. I am not sure if this series of titled posts will continue or a title change will happen. This is just how I am feeling at this moment.
— Until next time Dear Reader —